he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
