You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
