after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
