i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
