just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
