You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
