We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
