As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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