I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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