just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
