she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
