Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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