Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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