What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
