I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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