i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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