I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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