So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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