no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
