We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
