The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
