If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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