I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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