I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize