I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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