the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
