This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
