Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
