You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
