Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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