I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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