Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche