Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.