I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
