I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
