A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
