Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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