I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
