well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize