once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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