'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
