I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
