I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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