therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
