drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
