dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
