yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
ok first of all what the fuck
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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