So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
