One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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