I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
