Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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