idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS