so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
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I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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