Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now