Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...