***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you