we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
