I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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