You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
