If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
