I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
