Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
